3 Relationship Books For Women Who Hate Relationship Advice
I have a habit of consulting books for everything. By everything, I mean that my usual course of action for solving even my most personal problems is to find a book on it. The amazing thing is that, at least for me, this usually works.
Carefully selecting the perfect book that I think might give me some insight into whatever I'm dealing with at the moment gives me some relief because I feel like I'm actively taking control of the situation. Then, when a book imparts truly useful, transforming information during a time of upheaval or even irritation, that's when I understand what people mean when they talk about their favorite book with light in their eyes as they say "This book changed my life!"
So, when I start feeling stuck when it comes to relationships, I follow my usual plan.
Many relationship books seem to fall into one of the following categories:
- They give advice that is not realistic or practical
- They have an overall gimmicky, quick-fix appeal about them that rely on one-size formulas that oversimplify complex issues in romantic relationships
- Some can have a judgemental, many times chauvinistic tone
Because of these things, sometimes relationship books don't have that magic appeal that books on other topics do, but these 3 books stand out from the rest.
Successful Women, Angry Men by Bebe Moore Campbell
This might seem like an unusual book to recommend for relationship advice, but Campbell points out the pitfalls that professional couples still stumble over even 30 years after this book was published. I'd say this is a vital book for anyone in a "power couple"...or anyone who wants to be in one.
Deeper Dating by Ken Page
This quote from Deeper Dating shows you why I was drawn to this book:
Look at the cover of almost any of the magazines that claim to help with dating. What are they telling you to do? Lose weight, dress better, play hard to get, act confident, get out there more-in other words, fix yourself if you ever hope to find love. That's not self-improvement. That's self-punishment in camouflage.
I love that this book focuses on the self-work that has to be done before a relationship begins. This self-work is what enables partners to show each other true intimacy since they must show themselves intimacy first. This is a great book for anyone who's tired of "ghosting", "Netflix and Chill", commitment phobes and the other traps of today's dating scene.
How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk by John Van Epp, Ph.D
This one can be kind of clinical in places, but it does a great job of clarifying the traits that will result in a healthy, lasting relationship. According to Dr. Van Epp, there are five main predictors to watch when dating a new person:
- Compatibility potential
- Relationship skills
- Patterns from other relationships
- Family patterns and background
- Character and conscience traits
These five things will help you to determine if the person you are dating is "relationship ready" and also they will help you to weed out the "jerks" who will more than likely be dysfunctional in at least one of these areas.
What are your favorite relationship books? Do you think relationship books are helpful, or do you think they hurt more than they help?