R&R Love+Relationships: Friday Musings-Dr. Laura and The Saved and Hopelessly SIngle
I ran across two items in the news and blogs today from which I think pieces of wisdom can be pulled regarding relationships. One illustrates exactly what I was talking about in the desperation post from last week (Dr. Laura) and the other is something that's really not a new concept but, in rare CNN Black In America form, has suddenly become the new hot hypothesis for black women's "tragic singleness". 1. Dr.Laura
I don't want to assume that the black caller in this story didn't confront her white husband about the treatment that his friends and family were subjecting her to, but I lean to the thinking that if she had and he had consequently defended her, her predicament wouldn't have gotten to the point where she felt the need to solicit advice on the matter on a nationally syndicated radio show. Dr. Laura's racially insensitive behavior was of course appalling, but what I took away from the whole exchange is that a) make sure the man you marry is man enough to defend his wife regardless of if he's black, white, whatever and b) checking people on their first violation will save you from consulting people about a problem that they are just going to make worse.
I must say that there is a type of church woman that I thought of when I first read this...the ones that refuse to wear makeup, only wear dark schoolmarm clothing, and think everything short of breathing is a sin. I've been to relationship forums targeted to Christian women where the women themselves will acknowledge that this is a pretty non productive way to attract a man whether he be in or out of the church, so this isn't something that is totally unheard of. There is a difference between dedicating yourself to the Church and dedicating yourself to Christ and I think that the latter group is most in danger of falling into attitudes that may lead them down the path of eternal singleness if they don't do their own Bible study and research. However I've felt at times myself that church may be as hopeless a place to meet a man as any other. Not only are many of the men in the church already taken, but many of the ones that aren't occupied take advantage of the fact that many women will let down their guard for a "Man of God" in ways that they won't for other men. Single church men often adopt questionable doctrines, while popular in many churches today, that are usually misogynistic or flat our nonsensical. I think that focusing on meeting a man that honors your values, better yet a man that shares many of your basic values, will give you much better results when it comes to dating regardless of if he's a regular church goer, no church goer, or an Easter/Christmas check-iner.